| Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004 |
| 4:26 pm |
I haven't the words...
"Chris and I have also decided that our most recent exes, Jeremy and Charlotte, would be pretty much perfect for each other. I don't know if that would be feasible, but it definitely sounds like a good idea to me." - Sangria2 At what point do you realise your just not as important as you used to be? I think this about defines it. Not just no but hell fucking no and I cant believe you posted something like this. I bet you didn't even think about how much saying something like this would hurt me. Current Mood: stunned&worthless |
| Friday, November 12th, 2004 |
| 7:22 pm |
Complete and utter humiliation
So there I was standing in front of a lady holding a little black velvet box and trying to swallow away the tightness in my throat. I handed her the box and she asked me why I had decided to return the ring.. Yep, thats when I lost it, not bawling simply sheets of tears running down my face as I tried to answer through a clenched windpipe. Things didnt work out. Thats the best answer I could come up with. And so there I stood crying and watching my hope of lifelong happyness be put into a bag and the paperwork filled out. I heard soemone off to my left make a noise that sounded like a laugh so I glanced over to see a young couple laughing... yes actually laughing at me. Never before have I felt that small and absolutely crushed, like the span of time since I had walked in the door had been one more nail slammed down into a coffin lid, closing away everything that Ive worked for and dared to dream about for the last few years of my life. I got my recipt and left, they will mail me a check for the refunded ammount of the value of the diamond. "But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams." - I wish I knew who wrote that so I could give proper credit. |
| 2:56 pm |
Think about this before you lie to someone else
I'm serious, after your done being mad about me posting this... seriously think about this. How could you ever be ready to go through life with someone through good and bad, sickness and health, and everything in between if you cant stick around for six months or less so the other person can straighten a few things out and move to where you are? You were so sure I was the one, so emphatic that noone else could be the one for you and for the second time in my life you ripped my heart out and tossed it away, both times I might add with a certain ammount of calousness. You NEVER loved me, you do NOT do this to people you love. EDIT: I thought about deleting this entry but I wanted to leave it up as a reminder to myself. I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about our relationship history and my actions and your requests. It all boils down to I made you unhappy in a relationship where you were happy. I didn't pay enough attention to you when you werent around me which is when you needed it the most. I think thats probably why you became more distant and maybe why you started doing things that upset me. I realise its too late to change things.. I have to live with that now. Never the less I'm sorry for falling short, for letting you down, for not showing you every single day of my life exactly how much I love you. Current Mood: loss of hope |
| 1:51 am |
crying in public and being laughed at... fun day
So the Jewelery store experience will be posed on tomorrow. Right now I'm going to try to go pass out. Today I actually had the audacity to pray and ask God that I not wake up tomorrow, somehow I have a feeling its going to be at the end of a long long list of unanswered prayers for me. Current Mood: despairCurrent Music: Velvet roses |
| Wednesday, November 10th, 2004 |
| 9:44 pm |
Fuck you, I dont need you...
Wouldn't it be nice if that were really true. Yep... gettin drunk tonight. I wonder how much it would take to not wake up. too bad I dont have that much or right now I dont think I would stop. I think the hardest part of my week is going to be explaining myself to the jewelery store people tomorrow. Current Mood: DevistatedCurrent Music: The sound of my world losing all meaning |
| Wednesday, September 15th, 2004 |
| 4:35 pm |
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| Friday, June 11th, 2004 |
| 3:59 am |
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| Thursday, May 6th, 2004 |
| 1:38 pm |
sometimes life just plain sucks
So despite the good things that are happening in my life I have a few problems. Someone who cares enough to talk, drop me a line, I could really use a friend right now. |
| Tuesday, March 30th, 2004 |
| 10:57 am |
this almost killed me
saw this fill in the answers thing in a friends journal and had to put my own answers in and the result just about broke me. Hope you all enjoy it as well, as if anyone reads my sporatic posting. enjoy. |
| Friday, January 30th, 2004 |
| 3:08 pm |
interview thingy
This interviewing stuff is kinda cool. "The Rules, that I'm sure none of you have ever seen before! 1 - Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed. 2 - I will respond; I'll ask you five questions. 3 - You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers. 4 - You'll include this explanation. 5 - You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed." ---- 1. You're offered the gift of eternal life at the cost of eternal damnation. What do you do? Ah and here comes the question that I can speculate on for a long time but will never truly have an answer because i've never been actually forced to make this decision. I suppose it would depend entirely on my mindset at the time. Being christian I dont want to chance losing eternity in heaven with God. However I also understand how human nature and temptation work and I cant honestly say to you what my decision would be. 2. As a boy, what do you find most unfair that girls get to do that guys shouldn't/can't? Id have to say marrying a man and then taking him for half of what hes worth even when she doesnt deserve any of it. 3. If I got a really terrible hair cut, would you tell me that it looks horrible or that you love it? Well I suppose this means you have shaved your head but assuming you say got really short hair like oh... buzz cut or something.. yes I would tell you that I hate it. However to qualify that, I doubt you would ever choose anything that would be ugly for you. In other words I have faith in your desire to be attractive. :) 4. Let's say Ryan doesn't pay you the money he owes you. Stil your best man? Wow such a tough question. He's been my friend since elementary school so I dont think I would let money come between us that much. Though I would certainly be mad and would probably have a few colorful explatives to yell at him. 5. If Nyhm got a tumor and it was going to cost 300 dollars to fix, should I spend the money or not? (this didn't happen, btw, I was just curious as to what you'd think) Knowing how much you love Nyhm I would most likely offer to pay half. |
| Thursday, January 15th, 2004 |
| 2:39 pm |
and stuff
I think I need to find a good picture for my LJ but that means lots of searching for exactly what I want. *goes off to surf the web at work* |
| Wednesday, December 10th, 2003 |
| 1:25 pm |
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| Wednesday, September 10th, 2003 |
| 1:08 pm |
;-)
Calling You There's something that I can't quite explain I'm so in love with you You'll never take that away And if I've said a hundred times before Expect a thousand more You'll never take that away Well expect me to be Calling you to see If you're okay when I'm not around, Asking if you love me I love the way you make it sound Calling you to see Do I too hard to make you smile, To make us smile... I will keep calling you to see If you're sleeping or you're dreaming If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me? I can't believe you actually picked me I thought that the world had lost its sway (It's so hard sometimes) Then I fell in love with you (Then came you) And you took that away (It's not so difficult, the world is not so difficult) You take away the old, show me the new And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you So while I'm on this phone A hundred miles from home I'll take the words you gave And send them back to you I only want to see If you're okay when I’m not around, Asking if you love me I love the way you make it sound Calling you to see Do I try too hard to make you smile, To make us smile.... I will keep calling you to see If you're sleeping or you're dreaming If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me? I can't believe you actually picked me... |
| Friday, September 5th, 2003 |
| 4:17 pm |
happy happy
I have the most wonderfullest girlfriend ever and I Love her lots and lots. |
| Thursday, September 4th, 2003 |
| 10:40 am |
I need a lawyer
Ok so I got something in the mail today saying that I have to appear Oct 13th for a ticket that I supposedly paid the fine for. SO PISSED. believe me you can not fully comprehend the anger I am going through at having to deal with this crap after having been lied to so many times by the justice system. I am so so so incredibly pissed. |
| 9:17 am |
"checke de email, checke de email"
It's amazing how a few words in an email can change the outlook of your day, especially when they come from a beautiful woman that you love. So I got up this morning and felt absolutely horrible, you know one of those feelings where its not that your sick but just that you wish you could curl up under your blankets and ignore the world for at the very least a few more hours. And yet here I sit at work because how else am I to pay for things? On the upside of things though that feeling is gone now and there is only the opressiveness of being at work which is normal for me. I do get to sit here and play with this cool little globe thingy its a plastic ball and inside it it has a steel globe that has been painted and its suspended in water or some sort of clear liquid. I like it because it has made up countries. For example right on north america where texas should be there is a country named Fezas. Ok so when I first saw this I was definetly confused... I mean come on people I don't live in Dallas , FZ. But I do kinda like thinking that maybe somewhere there is a country named Pad or one named Cyfof you know.. shoved right between Georgia and Alabama. I keep looking on here to see if I can't find LumpaLand. Get to go to renfest this year again and I think its gonna be fun. I have most of my outfit done I just need to finish my cloak and maybe try to find a hat and some bracers but all that takes money, something I'm short on at the moment. Of course all that will be fixed soon enough I hope. I miss my baby and I wish she was here. Ok more later probably. |
| Thursday, August 21st, 2003 |
| 11:41 am |
YAY!
Ok so for those who don't know yet I have a real girlfriend :) Linda is the best thing that ever happened to me and being with her is well worth the wait. I love her so much and she is the perfect person for me just as she always has been. I'm so happy because now I have someone to do all the little things for just to see her smile. On another note I have a kitty and we named him Chester and hes the cutest thing but he just cant seem to learn some things. He's teething now too so hes chewing on everything in sight. I have this little plastic basket that he loves for some stupid reason and he will pounce on it and sleep in it and chew on it and everything go figure a basket is one of his favorite toys, along with one of those little starbucks fingerpuppets that looks like a mummy. Linda wants to squish him because hes so cute. And now for Johnson county. I could write a long rant about how I got screwed by them but instead I will leave it at this. I have never in my entire life had less faith in our legal system and I hate them so much that If I thought I could get away with it, I would hunt each and every one of them down and torture them with banboo under their fingernails, a couple years of chineese water torture, and yanking out their nose hairs one by one with tweezers. That is all for now. I Love my baby :) |
| Wednesday, August 13th, 2003 |
| 10:39 am |
on another note
I'm beginning to think that if man was ment to swim through solid rock as if it were water, he would have been born with fulminating lava ducts. |
| 10:10 am |
ahh to post again
*cracks knuckles* Ok so I'm trying to find a replacement part for my truck and so I go online thinking this is a good idea. Go to google, type in "used auto parts", even find a couple of sites that will let me put in a request that gets sent to like thousands of auto salvage yards so that they can email me back with prices and stuff so far I'm thinkin this is cool. Requested: one passanger side mirror, manual not electric. Seems pretty simple to me. So I get 2 emails(probably because I put the request in at 2 different web sites) but both are from the same HOUSEPARTS@aol.com address so I'm thinking ok no big deal. I read the first one who says its $40+$10 for shipping. ok not bad 50 bucks and its for a new part supposedly. I open the second one and the quote is $45 + shipping. So I sit there confused. I respond to the 2nd email asking ok does that mean that the $45 includes shipping. If so I'm thinking thats a better deal 5 bucks cheaper for the same new part. I get a snotty response back that says no thats not the quote I said $45 + shipping. Then the jackass copys it back into the email as if retyping it will make me understand better than him saying no. So I email back refering to the previous email I got saying that it would be 40+10. expecting him to be like ok we can do it for that no problem. Instead I get another rude email back saying well you eigther want the part or you don't just paste the quote into the order box on the web page if you want the part. Wow rudeness? So I write back. Thanks for your help but I prefer not to deal with janky people, I'll buy the part from someone who deals straight. And I go back to work thinking thats the end of it. Nope He writes back and this is where I acutally started saving the emails so I'll just paste his in here. --We are not junky people. We have been doing business for $75.00 years and have over 35 salesmen just doing Internet requests. I receive over 10,000 emails daily and do business in over 60-different countries. I quoted you a price and never gave you a shipping estimate. You don't even know what the total for the part was. Please get your info straight before you complain about service. I also have 25 other yards and you will still by from one of my other yards and you wont even know. Ok first of all I said janky not junky. Hes been in business for $75.00 years and I guess being in business for $75.00 years is impressive to some people. I had to tell him that Yes in ONE of the emails you quoted me a price without a "shipping estimate" how do you estimate shipping its a set price with whatever shipping company you use. Even more important is the fact that because he owns 25 salvage yards I'm automatically destined to buy from him. Of course this logic makes no sense to me considering there are aproximately 45 auto salvage yards in dallas alone that deal with used parts and that doesnt include fort worth or any of the outlying places like denton, arlington, midlothian, and so on and so forth. And his business isnt even located here in dallas. Besides if it mattered that much to me it would be easy to simply find out what businesses are affiliated with HOUSEPARTS@aol.com and just avoid using them. I explain all this in an email and Thank him and bid him good day. Wait... it gets better. He writes me back. --I also dropped out of school at 16 and made 4 million last year. Ok admittedly thats a lot of money and I do with I was making that much. However he has no idea who I am or how much I make in a year. He is simply trying to throw this at me as a "look how much better I am than you" thing. If he would have just been civil and said something along the lines of oh my apologies if we quoted you that price in another email we will certainly honor that quote. I would have bought the part from him and he could add that to his 4 million and we would both be happy. Why is it people always seem to need to be jerks? On to better things though. Despite this rudeness this morning I am extatically happy. I am in Love with the most beautiful person ever and just thinking about her makes me giddy. She is the perfect set of imperfections for me and I love her dearly. |
| Friday, June 6th, 2003 |
| 12:40 pm |
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deservio's journal